Gen Z dating trend 'benching' keeps a romantic interest waiting as a backup option

Gen Z, the present generation of young people, has moved ahead in matters of the heart as well. A new trend has taken hold among them, called the "benching trade". Hearing the name Gen Z brings to mind the way tales of aliens were exaggerated in the 1990s: a distinct breed of its own, with its own world, that stays ahead of everyone else.

So what exactly is benching? In dating today, liking someone and giving them a place in one's life have become two separate things. Often the other person talks, flirts and asks after you, but gives no clear signal about the relationship. You feel things could move forward, yet they neither fully accept you as theirs nor let you drift away. This behaviour is what is called benching in the dating world.

Benching means keeping someone as a backup option instead of choosing them as the first choice in a relationship. It is like a cricketer who is made to sit on the bench and wait for a turn instead of being sent onto the field. In the same way, Gen Z daters keep someone hanging in wait.

Waiting is a beautiful Urdu word, but many people are left on edge in that very wait. In benching, the other person talks now and then, or suddenly sends a message to show interest. But when it comes to meeting, commitment or taking the relationship forward, they abruptly pull back.

Say you have been talking to someone for several days. They chat with you for hours, then vanish for days. When you try to move away, a message suddenly arrives from them. It says something like "how are you" or "we haven't spoken in a long time". You think they may be getting serious about you, but after a while they disappear again.

It is a distinct art of keeping the other person confused. Gen Z is a different breed, with a world of its own, and has picked up worldly wisdom early through education. So they know how to deal with people. When someone stops responding midway through a conversation, the other person may think they have something going on elsewhere and that they are only a second option. However, a late reply or less conversation is not benching. What matters is the consistent experience, the person's behaviour and their intentions.

But why do they do it? Some do not want to be alone. Some want to keep their options open, and some cannot work out whether they want the relationship at all. Because of the new people they meet on social media and dating apps, some chat with several people at the same time.

If someone shows interest in you again and again but makes plans to meet and then puts them off, or avoids talking about issues such as the relationship, it is important to pay attention to this behaviour. Instead of keeping yourself confused, ask them directly what they want from the relationship and why they are acting this way.

There is no need to keep drawing someone's attention just to make them like you. If the other person remembers you only in their free time, you too must think about giving them just that much space in your life. As for the rest, Gen Z is very smart.