Nagpur IFS officer's Saturday coffee dates with wife pass 50 meetings in a year

Hemant Kamadi, an Indian Forest Service officer posted in Nagpur, says it becomes very hard for a couple to find time alone amid work, raising children and household responsibilities. His solution was simple: a coffee date with his wife Sonal every Saturday. The habit began as an attempt to bring back the enthusiasm of their college days and has now crossed more than 50 meetings in a year.

Kamadi recalls that in college he and Sonal would occasionally sit in the canteen, having tea and a snack. Both came from village backgrounds, where having tea together or going on a date was not common. Both also had careers to build, so such meetings were rare. After marriage the love stayed the same, but work grew, two children arrived, their schooling became a responsibility and elderly parents needed attention too. Being together and simply spending good time with each other are two different things, according to Kamadi.

He spoke to counsellor and life coach Rashmi Rao through LinkedIn. She advised him to look at aspects such as profession, family, money, parenting and the relationship, and to choose something both like, that is easy to do and has a fixed time and place. Kamadi says his aim was not to fix something but to make something already good even better.

His first idea was a daily walk together, but regular outdoor exercise did not suit Sonal and it led to friction between them. They then tried long cycling trips and riding together on Sonal's scooter, with breakfast at a good restaurant. Kamadi disliked the food, which cost several times more than home cooking and was less healthy. One day Sonal told him: "Why do you want to decide other people's lives by your own idea of right and wrong? Someone may like going to a restaurant, and I do. Don't impose your views on others." Kamadi admits this made him think, because he had been defining a good time only by his own preferences. On the bicycle and the scooter they were together, but not really enjoying each other's company. That was when the Saturday coffee date began.

Saturday was chosen because both have the day off and the children are at school, while Sunday is reserved for the children and family. At first even the coffee date was quite structured. Kamadi would turn up with notes, so he could tell Sonal what he had learnt about himself in life coaching. The romantic outing felt like a review meeting. He then realised not every conversation needs an agenda, and that half an hour or an hour of just sitting together over coffee is enough.

The children did not like it at first. They complained about being left behind. One reason was that Papa was taking "their" Mummy away, and another was that the parents were eating junk food the children do not usually get at home. No one else in the family objected. Relatives began avoiding scheduling their own events that day. If something urgent comes up, Kamadi and Sonal make up for the coffee before Saturday or on Sunday. When the mood is good, they sometimes go more than once a week.

Each week they pick a cafe in Nagpur, not too far away, by looking at photos and reviews on Google. Sometimes the "new" cafe turns out to be one they have visited before. The meetings cover children, parents, relatives, careers, travel and future plans, and include decisions as well as arguments. Sometimes there is very little talk, just coffee, music and each other's company.

The roles have now reversed. Earlier Kamadi questioned spending money at expensive cafes; now he is the one looking for a good ambience and excellent coffee. Sonal sometimes asks why spend so much when any ordinary cafe will do for a conversation. Kamadi accepts that she is right. Sometimes he starts sending the invitation as early as Friday, and sometimes writes a letter or a poem. On 17 October 2026, when he began writing a poem at about 6:25 am, his son woke up and suggested that the poem end with the same line it began with, so that Mummy would remember it was Saturday. The poem, "Janeman, aaj phir Shanivar hai", was written by the two together.

The dates became a talking point among friends and relatives, and some wanted to try it. Kamadi also mentioned the coffee dates in work-life balance sessions for Indian Forest Service officers who came for mid-career training at the Indira Gandhi National Forest Academy in Dehradun. In one session he showed photographs of themselves. When he told Sonal, the two began dressing well for the dates so that the photographs would turn out nicely.

In Kamadi's words, the enthusiasm of their college days is still the same. All that has changed is that coffee has replaced tea and a cafe has replaced the college canteen.